Meltdowns

What are some strategies that I have for dealing with difficult meltdowns?

When meltdowns happen I go through a mental checklist:

- hunger/ food

- sleepiness / rest

- misunderstanding /clarify

I slow down. I drop everything. I get us to a very calm and quiet place. I focus on connection, understanding, listening. There is usually some unmet need that is bothering her, which she is trying to ignore but just can't and it's impacting everything else.

We find the problems we can solve. We come to agreements. We love each other and move on.

There are times when there is absolutely nothing that will get her to stop screaming. I calmly tell her that her voice is a weapon, that it is hurting me. I cover my ears and tell her I am going to go away now. I clear the area and do not give her an audience. She calms down eventually and apologizes. Or she appreciates being left alone, gets quiet, falls asleep, and forgets about it by the time she wakes up.

Eventually I got to the point where I realized it used more energy reacting to her fits. Now I go into a calm mode out of self-preservation. It works better to whisper than to yell.

It also sometimes works to just do something absurdly goofy, like balance something on my head or start having a conversation with her in a language she doesn't understand. Shock and laughter can snap them out of things, too.

Transitions between activities tend to be hard for her. They are much easier for her if I say a rhyme or sing as we go. Repeating the same thing over and over when she isn't responding, in a series of increasingly goofy voices is pretty effective.

I'm definitely not perfect. But we're trying to communicate, and that's a big thing.

How do you handle meltdowns?